It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
