hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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