Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
