Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
