I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
