how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
