Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
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As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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