Don't you send me to vm
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR