and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
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Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful