Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong