question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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