I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
