I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
