Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
