Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Buhtt sex?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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