I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
