There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
