After last night, I could never be a politician.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
