I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
