Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
