just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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