He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
