i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
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Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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