we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
