My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
