I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
