Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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