My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
