he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?