Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.