u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?