is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?