I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.