the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
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How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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