clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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