just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My feet surprised me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
