I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
