my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
