I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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