You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
