i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
