dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
