my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We have started to decorate penises.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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