the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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