sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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