u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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