My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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