Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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