im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
