About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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