I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
