I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
