Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
