I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
