listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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