Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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