i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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