I hate your face
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"