If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy