Texts From Last Night

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  (530): View more from California

  Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake

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  (530): Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake http://tfl.nu/i8af
  Replies (27) Good night (1313) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'

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  (973): my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!' http://tfl.nu/vh00
  Replies (27) Good night (855) Bad night (3116) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  Where??

  (310): View more from California

  Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry

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  (323): Where?? (310): Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry http://tfl.nu/dekj
  Replies (25) Good night (3055) Bad night (713)
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  (661): View more from California

  seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome

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  (661): seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome http://tfl.nu/g749
  Replies (19) Good night (519) Bad night (2952) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?

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  (970): do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom? http://tfl.nu/19xa
  Replies (55) Good night (970) Bad night (16968) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf

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  (717): so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf http://tfl.nu/03ls
  Replies (24) Good night (765) Bad night (13534) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.

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  (713): Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner. http://tfl.nu/89n9
  Replies (7) Good night (2878) Bad night (1063)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.

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  (724): I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for. http://tfl.nu/9lin
  Replies (4) Good night (1703) Bad night (547)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day

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  (774): Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day http://tfl.nu/bsus
  Replies (4) Good night (1344) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  No, I did. It's a long story.

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  (484): Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that? (732): No, I did. It's a long story. http://tfl.nu/j226
  Replies (2) Good night (1439) Bad night (508)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.

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  (740): There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place. http://tfl.nu/9g42
  Replies (6) Good night (1006) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?

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  (910): Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares? http://tfl.nu/w5f4
  Replies (16) Good night (556) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend

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  (865): I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend http://tfl.nu/9cvt
  Replies (1) Good night (728) Bad night (295) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.

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  (510): She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again. http://tfl.nu/2r7a
  Replies (2) Good night (500) Bad night (752)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you

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  (203): I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop... (860): the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you http://tfl.nu/0s0c
  Replies (9) Good night (1809) Bad night (341)

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