My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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