If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
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I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.