Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?