I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS