ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
