So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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