I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sext me about skeletons
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
