he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
