Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
