If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
