apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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