I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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