Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
