SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
