One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
