At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize