Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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