I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
